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Thoughts on positivity and change (Read 171 times)
Tomas
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Thoughts on positivity and change
Nov 5th, 2019 at 6:11am
 
Seems I've been slacking and need to pull myself together.
I've always battled my own negativity and fear but never really gotten over it.

Have you done so? What helped you?



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Mersa
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #1 - Nov 5th, 2019 at 7:06am
 
Community,and this is a great community to start!
One day at a time , one foot after the other !
Wink Huh Grin
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Kick
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #2 - Nov 5th, 2019 at 7:26am
 
Oh boy, I can tell this is going to be a long one Cheesy

In 2015 I had three panic attacks in the space of around 3 months or so. I had always considered myself as a chill, relaxed person and suddenly I was having panic attacks. Was a very strange experience I can tell you. I haven't had any panic attacks since but I have come very close on a few occasions. Recently, having graduated, I've been needing to find a job. I've been doing cover shifts at the one place I've been working at since I came to Finland (summers at an old folk's home), but now I'm feeling more expectation and pressure from others that I now need to go work in a big hospital doing "proper" nursing and I need to be competent and knowledgeable and it has left me a bag of nerves and anxiety.

My original problem that lead to the panic attacks is that I was putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect at Finnish and so every time I had an interaction with someone and I used the wrong word or didn't quite catch what someone said I would beat myself up horribly about it and think I was stupid and the other person was going to look down on me and I would never be able to make it in Finland and and and and etc. It's the same thinking I know have over starting a job somewhere new.

I still haven't conquered the original trouble I have with Finnish and I haven't solved the job problem (though I have more cover shifts), but I've learned a lot about what does and, more importantly, doesn't help:

1. Don't avoid doing stuff. This is my go-to defence mechanism and it's terrible. Avoiding doing the thing or confronting the thing just makes the thing scarier. Push through!

2. Avoid "and and and". The best thing to do when panicking or stressing is realise you're panicking or stressing and not allowing it to keep spiraling.

3. Related to 2., BREATHE. One very important thing I learned from my nursing training is stepping away from a situation and taking a breath. It's very easy to be caught in a situation and only seeing what's in front of you. Tunnel vision is terrible and makes things worse. Stop, step back, rotate your head left and right to open up those blood vessels to the brain, breathe in, breathe out, step back in. It's amazing how much it helps.

4. Everyone is their own worst enemy. We save the worst criticism and judgement for ourselves and the way to battle the inner critic is to talk with others about it. Like now Cheesy It's all about perspective and getting other people to help you see already doubles the number of perspectives you have available to you. Other people are very useful.

5. Listen to your own advice. Oh wait, this one is just for me Cheesy

I still have a way to go. I know all these tips and I have a lot of help but all of these things are a process. That can be number 6. maybe. It takes time. None of this stuff gets fixed over night and patience has long been labelled a virtue for a reason. There are a lot of philosophical motivational phrases I've heard from wise men, but the most useful is probably "Keep on truckin'". I hope you feel better and find yourself in a better place soon.
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Kick
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #3 - Nov 5th, 2019 at 7:27am
 
Mersa wrote on Nov 5th, 2019 at 7:06am:
Community,and this is a great community to start!
One day at a time , one foot after the other !
Wink Huh Grin


Damn it Mersa! You took my way-too-long comment and boiled it down to two sentences!   Grin
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NooneOfConsequence
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #4 - Nov 6th, 2019 at 11:04am
 
Perspective and self-identity matter too. Letís use Kickís example... If you define yourself as someone who is bad at Finnish, you will fulfill your expectations and that identity will be reinforced every time you struggle. If you redefine your self image as, say, an overcomer who conquers challenges, then you avoid the guilt and embrace the struggle because you know that it will make you better.
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Kick
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #5 - Nov 6th, 2019 at 2:29pm
 
NooneOfConsequence wrote on Nov 6th, 2019 at 11:04am:
Perspective and self-identity matter too. Letís use Kickís example... If you define yourself as someone who is bad at Finnish, you will fulfill your expectations and that identity will be reinforced every time you struggle. If you redefine your self image as, say, an overcomer who conquers challenges, then you avoid the guilt and embrace the struggle because you know that it will make you better.


Very true.
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Morphy
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #6 - Nov 8th, 2019 at 6:45pm
 
Remember that your brain is connected to your body. All too often people focus only on the brain and not what an unhealthy body can do to the brain. For me, personally , I battled with depression for years. It wasn't until I fixed what I was putting in my body that the brain took care of itself.

That's not to say that positive attitude isn't important. It all works together to lead to a happier and more fulfilling life. Keep at it Tomas..This will only make you stronger in the end.
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"The problem with democracy is no matter who you vote for the government still gets in."
 
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Tomas
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #7 - Nov 8th, 2019 at 9:02pm
 
I'm glad I asked:)
I appreciate all your responses my friends! I am truly happy to have your input on something I can't always express in my everyday life to my everyday people!
You rock!
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Kick
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #8 - Nov 9th, 2019 at 10:41am
 
There are a lot of negatives that can be pointed out with modern technology but it's also absolutely true it connects people.
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Curious Aardvark
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #9 - Nov 9th, 2019 at 11:33am
 
I try to always find something positive in the negative aspects of life.
Got to say I've struggled more than a bit this year.
Seesm every time I see a doctor - and I've seen more this year than in my entire life previous - it's all negative.

But I have somewhere to live, I'm in no danger of starving to death, I get the mediation I need for free.
Life can ALWAYS be worse and there are always people who are worse off than you.

Try and find the positive aspects in any situation.

The business I've built up over the last 25 years is pretty much now dead.
So I'm starting from scratch with something new. Hard and no guarentee I'll be able to earn my living. But on the positive side it's making things to sell and I love making things Smiley
I also like selling stuff to people on a personal basis.

There are always positive aspects - although I can't really find any in the diabetes. But I could live in the united states and have to pay for my medication - It can ALWAYS be worse Smiley
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Do All things with Honour and Generosity: Regret Nothing, Envy None, Apologise Seldom and Bow your head to No One †- works for me Smiley
 
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Rat Man
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #10 - Nov 15th, 2019 at 10:42pm
 
   Often to accomplish something positive you have to be totally stubborn.  I have,  at different times,  quit smoking, drinking, recreational drugs, and have beaten a legal opioid addiction.  You have to be pig headed.  I read online that it was absolutely impossible to quit Oxycontin without methadone, Suboxone, doctors, support groups, etc.. I took that as a personal challenge and did it all on my own. 
    I actually enjoy working out, though my old carcass resists it these days.  For me the hardest part is taking that first step and getting started.  Once I've begun a routine I can usually stay with it.
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Tomas
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Re: Thoughts on positivity and change
Reply #11 - Nov 15th, 2019 at 11:18pm
 
I have found staying aware and present in the moment has been really working for me this week. Instead of just running on my emotions, I've been observing myself as I go through my things and it's been very helpful.
Perhaps this can be a thread where we discuss our positivity and changes. Not as a brag but rather as communal encouragement:)
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