I just thought I would take the opportunity to come clean regarding a youthful indiscretion. I am not proud at all regarding the resulting cowardice surrounding the event. It all began one evening in 1988. I was in my early twenties and thought I'd meet up with the guys down at the local tavern in my small hometown. After a bit of brew we began reminiscing about our high school days and our sports achievements. Somewhere along the line I brought up the subject of the sling and how It was a hobby of mine since my early teens. Well, before long it became apparent I would have to back up my wild claims.....(yeah right).....hiccup. Suffice it to say that my 'faculties' had left the building. We went out back into the alley which bordered the rear parking lot where my black, 327 small block ,67 Chevy pickup was parked.
[This truck was my pride and joy....it was decked out with an excellent paint job with great runner graphics, chrome, sunroof, older Recaro buckets, Katana sword handle gear shift, Stainless 4pt. Shuriken hood ornament...etc.] I prepared to put my money where my mouth was.....I retrieved my sling from the glove box....now I only had to find suitable ammo for the demonstration of the "Sling of the Mighty Conqueror". At this point I should qualify my impending 'admission' with the following:
I in no way intended to harm any life or property and only intended to demonstrate that I could sling a projectile at high velocity and with impressive range. Now, I should mention as well that the situation at the time seemed entirely surmountable and I was in total control.
(Hiccup).....(buuurrrrp)
I sized up my surroundings and selected the town auditorium, a block away, to utterly humiliate with the sting of defeat. (In the sense that I was going to make it seem tiny beneath the majestic parabola of the hissing meteor I was about to unleash.) "What to sling, what to sling".....I thought as I searched for just the right projectile that would remain visible at such high velocity to my unwashed and unwitting cohorts. Aha! The large, ugly, white ball gear shift knob that had come with the truck when I had purchased it! It should gleam with reflective streaks of fire from the setting sun....It just doesn't get any better than this! Besides, I had been in subliminal expectation of the chance to ceremoniously sacrifice this offending, greasy excuse for an automotive accoutrement.....and NOW was my chance! It had been rattling around in the bed of my truck for FAR too long! It's time was at an end....Mwaaahaaahaaa!
( At this point comes to me the dubious realization that there really was no way to reveal my ammo choice to most of you without the resultant, immediate revelation that, I am sure, is taking place in the heads of most of my esteemed colleagues here in the forum at this very moment.....drats!) To make a long story short.....it rolled out of the pocket at the worst possible moment.....hit a beautiful glass window in the Church down the street and we all stood in utter amazement at my apparent 'malevolent prowess' for what seemed like an 'eternity' only to come out of our shared trance at the exact same moment and let the dust fly in a foot race, each to his chariot of choice and left the battlefield.......leaving that elusive and legendary foe known as
STUPIDITY to be conquered another day. In addendum, I would like also to reveal the spontaneity of this admission. I have told this true story to almost no other living soul and you are the first as a group to hear of it.....I fully intend to come clean with the pastor who very likely may have used that greasy gear knob as some sort of object lesson in a sermon the following Sunday.
So, hey! Stay with me on this.......in all reality it may have been meant to be that this event occurred! I may actually have helped someone by my actions that day! With this new train of thought I hope and trust that you all can keep a secret as I hereby absolve myself from any further twinges of guilt regarding the preceding made up story.......