What was your social position in the highschool hierarchy? popular kid? nerd? loner? jockey? I was between a nerd and loner.

The guy who sat in the back and nobody paid much attention too, and was mostly inconspicuous. In short, perfect spy material...

But also a nerd.

I was a jerk who became a freaker. 

I don't feel the lines were all that clear in my high school, but then again I've forgotten most of high school. I HATED it. I wasn't even at the bottom of the pile. I went between the nerds and the more popular nerds who didn't think they were nerds but definitely were. Even in those groups it was cut-throat. Everyone was looking to get one up on someone else because, if someone else was down, that means you weren't as far down. When people say those were the best years of their life, I can't relate at all. If I woke up and it was the first day of high school and all the years up to now were a dream, I think I would kill myself. Sorry if I derailed this. I have... strong feelings about high school.

Weird mix. I should have been a nerd as academically things were very easy, but my best friends were some of the 'bad' kids. Probably closest to loner and/or probably a gamer (if that's a category) me and my friends spent a lot of our youth bonding in games.
I certainly wasn't popular, in retrospect approval of most of my high school peers was synonymous with being a moron or worse, so looking back I'm not too bothered. Thankfully I was always big/tough enough that nobody could physically do much to me. Things were a ton better at university and I was very happy to cut off contact with all but a select small group of people I met during high school.

Kick wrote on Sep 2^nd, 2019 at 2:15pm:

I don't feel the lines were all that clear in my high school, but then again I've forgotten most of high school. I HATED it. I wasn't even at the bottom of the pile. I went between the nerds and the more popular nerds who didn't think they were nerds but definitely were. Even in those groups it was cut-throat. Everyone was looking to get one up on someone else because, if someone else was down, that means you weren't as far down. When people say those were the best years of their life, I can't relate at all. If I woke up and it was the first day of high school and all the years up to now were a dream, I think I would kill myself. Sorry if I derailed this. I have... strong feelings about high school.

I was in the skater/druggy crowd. Can't help but feel like I was destined for it in some ways since my favorite types of music have always had a weird psychedelic/trance quality to it. New Wave, Neopsychedelic grunge like Smashing Pumpkins Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness and of course you can't forget Pink Floyd. 

But reading your post sure does remind me of high school. I was severely depressed at a time when depression was just starting to be openly discussed. It was really tough, not gonna lie. This was more than just your normal teenage angst, clinical depression just plain sucks and for those who have never experienced it you are lucky!!

High school was dog eat dog. And although I never was picked on due to the fact that I was in pretty good shape and looked intimidating ( ;D) I was very lonely regardless of any friends and felt lost through most of it. I've always been very compassionate, which I know does not come through on my posts much, but that is the WORST thing you can be in high school or in the corporate world for that matter... You will be taken advantage of all the time. Which I was. It's just a sad world we live in at times. If I didn't have a family and could reasonably live with a pack of wolves, I probably would. Wolves at least tend to growl before attacking, humans smile and pat you on the back.   :P

Voted most carefree when I was senior along with a young woman who I really loved. We followed the beat of our own drummers. Not a leader. Not a follower. I did and still do my own thing. Happiness to you all  :D

Morphy wrote on Sep 2^nd, 2019 at 3:19pm:

I was in the skater/druggy crowd. Can't help but feel like I was destined for it in some ways since my favorite types of music have always had a weird psychedelic/trance quality to it. New Wave, Neopsychedelic grunge like Smashing Pumpkins Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness and of course you can't forget Pink Floyd.  But reading your post sure does remind me of high school. I was severely depressed at a time when depression was just starting to be openly discussed. It was really tough, not gonna lie. This was more than just your normal teenage angst, clinical depression just plain sucks and for those who have never experienced it you are lucky!! High school was dog eat dog. And although I never was picked on due to the fact that I was in pretty good shape and looked intimidating ( ;D) I was very lonely regardless of any friends and felt lost through most of it. I've always been very compassionate, which I know does not come through on my posts much, but that is the WORST thing you can be in high school or in the corporate world for that matter... You will be taken advantage of all the time. Which I was. It's just a sad world we live in at times. If I didn't have a family and could reasonably live with a pack of wolves, I probably would. Wolves at least tend to growl before attacking, humans smile and pat you on the back.   :P

I read only a little while ago about the effects depression has on memory formation and I realised I probably was incredibly depressed in high school without realising it and that's why I remember almost nothing from that time. When I meet up with my friends from high school, they'll tell me. "Oh this person is now working there" or "This person is married and has a kid now" and I'll have no idea who they're talking about. I might vaguely recognise the name but I won't be able to picture their face. In a lot of ways I'm glad I don't remember most of it. It was dog eat dog and I was one of the dogs.

That really depends on who I was surrounded by at any time.  I had my own crowd, but I ‘d say I was  neither popular nor unpopular overall, and I never really cared about my social standing. I was 100% a dork, but my cool factor varied depending on who was around. For example, to the ladies I was just a big nerd until I got a girlfriend... then they wanted what they couldn’t have.

    My high school was a jungle.  I hated it.  Survival of the fittest, wolf packs, etc.. High school sucked.  No wonder I did drugs. 

Kick wrote on Sep 3^rd, 2019 at 1:05am:

Morphy wrote on Sep 2nd, 2019 at 3:19pm: I was in the skater/druggy crowd. Can't help but feel like I was destined for it in some ways since my favorite types of music have always had a weird psychedelic/trance quality to it. New Wave, Neopsychedelic grunge like Smashing Pumpkins Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness and of course you can't forget Pink Floyd.  But reading your post sure does remind me of high school. I was severely depressed at a time when depression was just starting to be openly discussed. It was really tough, not gonna lie. This was more than just your normal teenage angst, clinical depression just plain sucks and for those who have never experienced it you are lucky!! High school was dog eat dog. And although I never was picked on due to the fact that I was in pretty good shape and looked intimidating ( ;D) I was very lonely regardless of any friends and felt lost through most of it. I've always been very compassionate, which I know does not come through on my posts much, but that is the WORST thing you can be in high school or in the corporate world for that matter... You will be taken advantage of all the time. Which I was. It's just a sad world we live in at times. If I didn't have a family and could reasonably live with a pack of wolves, I probably would. Wolves at least tend to growl before attacking, humans smile and pat you on the back.   :P I read only a little while ago about the effects depression has on memory formation and I realised I probably was incredibly depressed in high school without realising it and that's why I remember almost nothing from that time. When I met up with my friends from high school, they'll tell me. "Oh this person is now working there" or This person is married and has a kid now" and I'll have no idea who they're talking about. I might vaguely reconfigure the name but I won't be able to picture their face. In a lot of ways I'm glad I don't remember most of it. It was dog eat dog and I was one of the dogs.

Believe me when I say I know exactly what you are talking about. I have entire years that are a blank slate. Like I went to bed in 6th grade and woke up in 9th grade. Just gone.

My memory when I'm not going through an episode is scary good. I can recall large amounts of scientific facts easily. (Not good at math but damnit I will clean up on the science portion of trivial pursuit  ;D)

But when I was going through it nothing stuck in my head. You could tell me something 5 times and it would just be gone. Very frustrating.
It took me years to realize that it all stemmed from stuff I was eating.
Amazingly it was that simple yet that complex. I am much happier now. I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy. It's the worst.